Apparently I totally blew the interview. From the answer I got back from one of the program directors, you should keep your children, the infirm and anyone else away from me because I have no people skills what-so-ever. The answer wasn't that literally, but only because she had to be polite. What kills me is that I know they didn't see nearly the whole of me. I don't interview well. I know that. Sometimes my intensity can come across as a serial killer's does. This doesn't help. First impressions usually don't go well. This first impression has sunk me for this program. "Best of luck in your future endeavors", not "close but try again next year." Not even close enough to be on a waiting list. What also kills me is that I know I would be good at this sort of job/profession/work, whatever you want to call it. They have no idea.

Sonya is writing about her dreams. Mine have included my parents, in separate ones, of course. Mom didn't know she had passed away (though I am certain she does) and I was very aware of my role in helping her along in that stage of her journey. I think that Prudence was there also. (she was the little terrier we had many years ago) This was all set just outside of our neighbors' house. Not a day later I had a dream about Dad. In it he was dying and we were there for his part of that journey. (it didn't actually happen this way) I remember telling him how sorry I was about his hands and his poor circulation. I don't know whether the rejection letter of Friday had anything to do with these macrabre dreams. I don't really see them as macrabre though. It is all part of the whole process. These moments can be more "real" than what we consider our daily activities.

Ya know, I haven't felt this dejected and rejected for quite a long while. And no girlfriend was involved. Amazing. There is a plan out there, or in here somewhere. This turn of events has really upended my boat. What the fuck am I supposed to do now? I spent a year getting good grades and I thought I could be thoughtful, considerate and kind. Nope. I scare sick people.